Barack Obama recently made a statement that surprised many: he believes boys need a mix of male role models — including gay friends and mentors — to grow into emotionally intelligent men. He shared this on “IMO,” the podcast hosted by his wife, Michelle Obama, and her brother, Craig Robinson.
The former president explained that even boys with great dads still need other male influences in their lives.
“No matter how good the dad is, he can’t be everything. That boy may need somebody to give the boy some perspective on the dad.”
Obama said.
He wasn’t just talking in theory. He shared his own personal story of how a gay professor changed his thinking during college.
Obama said that when he was a student at Occidental College, he had a professor who was openly gay — at a time when that wasn’t easy or widely accepted.
“He became one of my favorite professors. He would call me out when I started saying stuff that was ignorant.”
Obama said.
That experience stayed with him. He said having someone like that in his life helped him learn empathy and kindness.
And for Obama, this isn’t just about the past. He believes that boys today need the same kind of relationships.
“You need that person in your friend group so that if you then have a boy who is gay or non-binary or what have you, they have somebody that they can go, ‘Okay, I’m not alone in this,’” he said. “That’s what creating a community means.”
Some listeners may have been shocked, but many were deeply moved. Social media was full of comments like “That’s my President” and “He’s preaching facts.” People admired the way Obama spoke honestly about topics that many avoid.
This wasn’t the first time Obama praised that professor. Back in 2015, during a White House Pride Month event, Obama publicly recognized him — Lawrence Goldyn — for being a brave and honest mentor back in the late 1970s. He said Goldyn gave advice and support to gay and transgender students at Occidental College long before it was common or safe to do so.
“That took a lot of courage. I got to thank him for influencing how I think about so many of these issues.”
Obama said.
But this podcast episode wasn’t just about mentors. Obama also talked about how society treats boys and what it means to be a man. He said progressives have done a lot of work to support girls and women, but sometimes forget to talk about boys.
“As progressives, we’ve made that mistake sometimes. We’re constantly talking about what’s going wrong with boys instead of what’s right with them.”
he said.
Still, he said it’s encouraging that more boys today are open to new ideas about what it means to be a man. They’re learning that being strong can also mean being kind, respectful, and thoughtful.
Obama’s own life story gives him a unique perspective. He was born in Hawaii in 1961. His father, Barack Obama Sr., was from Kenya and wasn’t around much during his childhood. They only met once after his parents divorced when he was three. His father later died in a car crash in 1982. Obama was raised mostly by his mother, Ann Dunham, and his stepfather, Lolo Soetoro, in Indonesia and Hawaii.
He said his stepfather wasn’t perfect, but did offer valuable life lessons. “He gave me some things that were very helpful,” Obama once told Newsweek. “A hardheaded assessment of how the world works.”
Obama also reflected on Michelle’s family and how being around her many male relatives when they were dating gave him a new view of masculinity. “Each one of them showed a different way to be a man,” he said. It helped him realize that boys need exposure to many different types of men — not just one version of what society says is “masculine.”
He went on to say that boys shouldn’t be pushed into narrow definitions of success, like making lots of money or being good at sports. “We need more role models so boys can see different paths to success,” he said.
The podcast also included some lighthearted moments. When Craig Robinson joked about rumors that Barack and Michelle were having marriage trouble, Obama laughed and said, “She took me back! It was touch and go for a while.”
“There hasn’t been one moment in our marriage where I thought about quitting my man… and we’ve had some really hard times.”
Michelle added firmly.
Obama has spoken out about masculinity before. In a 2018 interview with NBA player Stephen Curry, he said being a man is “first and foremost, being a good human.” That means being responsible, respectful, compassionate — not putting others down. He’s criticized the idea that masculinity is only about toughness or control.
While president, Obama made history by becoming the first sitting U.S. president to support same-sex marriage publicly. He explained his change of heart in a 2012 interview with ABC News, saying he came to that belief through conversations with friends, staff, and reflection.
Obama’s recent comments on “IMO” may seem bold or controversial to some, but they’re consistent with what he’s been saying for years: boys need a range of role models, communities need empathy, and being a good man means more than just being tough. It means being open-minded, emotionally aware, and willing to listen — even when it’s uncomfortable.
And in a world where boys are bombarded with so many confusing messages, that advice might be exactly what they need right now.